The Mom And Letting Go
I sat with my 8 year old daughter as she sobbed into my chest.
“Why, Mimi? Why did Bean have to die? I can’t live without him. I love him so much. He was my best friend”.
My heart twisted. I felt silent tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t make it better, and I couldn’t bring back her cat that was torn apart by vicious dogs, nearly in front of her eyes.
How could life be so cruel and how was I going to help her heal?
I struggled with this one. I cried many tears, I shouted at the Universe and at the unfairness of it all. I questioned my trust in the goodness of life. I wanted to take my daughter’s pain away. I wanted to have her wake up and be the happy, soulful little light that she is. But day after day, I saw more tears, a sinking into herself, and a sadness in her eyes.
How could I control this situation and make it all go away?
Truth is, I could not. I had to take some very deep breaths and hold onto my daughter and help her feel all of the sadness for as long as it took. I felt alone and lost. I held her and we cried together because really, no child should witness death, whether it’s a beloved pet, or God forbid a human.
Why did my child have to witness such pain?
Slowly, very slowly, we drew pictures of Bean. We wrote letters. We had a proper burial. We talked about the wonderful qualities in our sweet cat and how he helped my daughter make a very big transition to moving to a new country. I saw some of the light return to her eyes. I held her night after night. I witnessed her pain. I couldn’t take it away and wrap it up in a cute bow. I just listened, loved and hugged.
I lost control that week. I cried my heart out because I am a mom that likes to be in control.
But being always in control is a very isolating and lonely and scary feeling. It plays with the emotional health of the body, which eventually can cause tightness, pain and other health issues. Being in control means your life is resting only on your shoulders. It can get heavy. The body can get weighed down from all of that “control”.
Indeed, that is what happened to me. I finally had to take to my bed and hide under the covers by the sheer weight of it all.
We may be in charge of the homework, carpool, and cleanliness of our children. But, they are souls that chose to come into this lifetime with their own agenda, thoughts, and issues. They chose us as moms to work through life and to remember who they are and discover their life purpose. We may seem to be in charge, but that is way too much responsibility for one person. It is not possible, nor is it the way it is supposed to be.
Breathe, moms. Your children want and need to grow and learn about life’s amazing and heartbreaking events. We can hold them, and offer them love and kind words and wisdom. We aren’t here to make it all OK.
We are here to be their witness to life.
We are here to accept and love them by letting go of the need to control every aspect of their lives.
Our health depends on lifting that weight of responsibility off our shoulders and allowing the Universe to help us. Our peace of mind depends on stopping the constant stream of thoughts about how to make it all perfect and OK. Our wellness depends on relaxing into every challenging, overwhelming, heart wrenching situation and being there for our kids even when we can’t control it – especially when we can’t control it. Our health depends on holding a place for their, and our,emotions, and feeling every single one of them – and then letting them go.
We are not alone. There is a greater force involved in the raising and loving our children.
Stop. Sit. Put down the to do list. Breathe. It is going to be ok. Our kids are going to be ok. You are going to be OK. You may not be in control, and that is OK.
You are a good mom.
You are a good person.
You are a good leader, a leader that is not in charge of everything, can’t control it all – and that is good!
Ariela HaLevi has her Masters degree in social work, is a certified Life Coach, yoga instructor, Psychology of Eating counselor and Reiki Practitioner. She offers coaching, by phone/Skype, to mothers who are immersed in the chaos of life, helping them to live healthier, more mindful and fulfilled lives, incorporating nutrition, exercise, yoga, spirituality, and mindfulness practice. To work with Ariela or learn more, feel free to contact her at YogaAriela@gmail.com and be sure to “Like”, her Facebook Page to keep up with all of her blogs and posts.