Row Your Boat Grief Series #2: Your Boat

“Row, row, row your boat,

Gently down the stream,

Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily,

Life is but a dream.”

Even though we all share death, even if we have all lost loved ones, nonetheless, we each handle our mortality differently, we each experience loss in our own way.

This is why ultimately we can’t look upon anyone else’s journey through death’s darkness as an exact model for us to replicate; nor should we expect them to make the same journey we have made.

That is why this prophetic little nursery rhyme is so important. “Row, row, row, YOUR boat.”

Don’t row your friends boat, or your neighbors boat, or your loved one’s boat. You can’t row their boat. All you can do is row your boat. Particularly when it comes to navigating the stormy waters of grief:

it’s your boat

it’s your storm

it’s your journey, yours and yours alone.

And yet, everyone has an opinion about the right way to grieve and far too many will insist they have the answers to your sorrow. “You should cry more.” “You should cry less.” “You should talk.” “You should sleep.” “You should eat.” “You should keep busy.” “You should take it easy.”

Regardless of your best friends well-intended advice or your neighbors insistence that what helped her cope with the loss of her husband will be the right path for you to travel, this is your journey to make.

In the words of Nietzsche: “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

Row your boat and let others row their own.

You have your boat.

I have my boat.

As for the right boat – it does not exist.

Carry The Fire,

Rabbi B