The Broken Whole Heart
Valentine’s Day is almost here, a day to celebrate romance, intimacy and love. If you are in a romantic relationship, together with your partner, or by the side of the one you love – it can be ecstasy. If, however, you are alone, or lonely within an empty relationship, or divorced, or bereaved it can be a painful reminder of what you do not have, how you have been betrayed or what you have lost.
For the broken-hearted, V-Day becomes D-Day, just another painful reminder of their shattered love.
However, for all of the broken hearted out there on this V-Day turned D-Day, it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way, and here are some broken-hearted V-Day reasons why:
Real love isn’t shiny, it’s messy. Thank God!
“We were together for forty years,” someone will tell me, “and we never had a fight?”
“Really? That’s too bad,” I’ll respond. Disagreements, arguing, fighting (so long as it’s holy arguing – respectful, not abusive) is the stuff of real relationships. I don’t argue with the barista. I do argue with my wife. The barista doesn’t love me (though she should with as much as she charges me). My wife does. Arguments are a sign of depth, trust and intimacy. Soulmate love is as provocative as it is seductive. You want soulmate sex? Well guess what, it comes with a price tag – soulmate fights. True love not only warms your heart, it also kicks you in the butt. That’s the truth about real love.
True love isn’t painless, it’s painful. What a blessing!
Do you know what the number one response I get from people when asking them how they are doing after their loved one dies? “I’m fine. I’ll be OK,” they say, as if that is the goal to strive towards. And once again I think (or respond if paid to push them), “and that’s too bad, too!” The flip side of a heart that loves, is a heart that aches when our loved one has died, or left us, or taken back their love. It is painful, however, it is the price of admission for true love – and it is worth it!
Authentic love doesn’t die, doesn’t disappear and can never be taken away!
Your spouse left? Your partner betrayed you? Your love one died?
They may be gone, however, the love hasn’t left. If you want it, it’s yours. They can’t take it from you. Maybe your Ex got the house in the settlement, however, they didn’t get the love – not yours, not unless you gave it up. That’s your choice, not theirs.
You lost a loved one to death? Here’s the silver lining – you didn’t lose your love. Death can’t take that – don’t give it a choice. The love is all yours, not going anywhere, right there riding shotgun with you for as long as you continue to love. That is the nature of authentic love.
Wholehearted love is broken hearted love, and it is a gift!
Here’s the truth about broken hearts. They are a gift. It means you lived. It means you loved. It means you have lost, only the lover, never the love. And it means you are now complete in a way that the happy couples wining and dining on Valentine’s day may not yet have received, and may never achieve.
But you did, you loved and you are whole because of it.
In the words of Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk, “there is nothing more whole than a broken heart.”
On this Valentine’s Day, and any day, and every day, instead of running from our broken heart, or hiding our broken heart, or denying our broken heart, or thinking this day doesn’t apply to us because we have a broken heart – let’s think again. Your loss will certainly leave your heart broken, however, that very brokenness is what makes you whole.
To all of you broken hearted Spark Seekers out there, let’s flip the script from D-Day back to V-Day.
True love is not easy. Real love is not painless. Authentic love is not pretty. But it is grand, and it is glorious, and it is gorgeous, and it is always worth it – not in spite of the brokenness, but because of it.
A broken heart is a whole heart, so if it can’t be a Happy Valentine’s Day, then make it a Whole Valentine’s Day!