Wrinkles or Warrior Marks?

I’m so tired of the way we define beauty.

“She is beautiful because she doesn’t have a blemish or a wrinkle.”

“He is beautiful because he doesn’t have an ounce of flab or a single gray hair.”

“It is beautiful because it is polished, shiny and new.”

This isn’t beauty. This is empty. This is shallow. This is a lie. And this is destroying us!

Our wrinkles, our gray hairs, our scars – they tell the stories of our loves, our losses, and our deepest yearnings. They are testaments to the battles we have faced, the tenacity we have demonstrated, and the miracle that we have survived. David Richo, a psychotherapist and writer, states, “Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.”Our blemishes, scars and wounds aren’t things to be hidden away. On the contrary, they are what make us beautiful. They are what make us real. They are a testament to having lived life!

Years ago, I met a woman named Maxine at a yoga studio. I knew that she was special but couldn’t articulate why. She was probably in her seventies, and at one time, she must have been beautiful. But the years had been hard on her. She had many wrinkles, and in some places, they were almost deep fissures carved into her face. Her once-black hair was dry and silver. Although she did yoga every day, she was hunched over and appeared frail, almost brittle, as if time had weathered her.

Even still, something about Maxine fascinated me. Maybe it was the fact she was the only yogi in the studio who was over the age of forty. Maybe it was that she looked so different from most of her contemporaries-no hair dye, no makeup, and definitely no Botox injections. Whatever it was, she had an air of regality and an aura of power in spite of her frail body. I wanted to know what it was.

After I attended this class for more than a year, we bumped into each other at a local café and sat down for a chat. It changed not only the way I thought of Maxine but also the way I thought of physical beauty, particularly the lines we have on our faces. Over the next few hours, she shared with me what anyone would deem a tale of woe.

Maxine grew up in a world of privilege. She was wealthy and beautiful. She married a successful businessman and had a beautiful daughter, and then everything changed. Her daughter died in a car crash, and her life fell apart. Her husband left her for another woman and, in the process, left her nearly destitute. About ten years after that, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Maxine’s life would have brought most of us to our knees, and yet our conversation that day wasn’t a tale of woe. I left the café feeling inspired. During our talk, she shared with me the depths of suffering she had endured, but she had met every tragedy head on. After each battle, she mourned, healed, and moved forward in her life.

Although we hardly talked after that encounter, other than the usual pleasantries when we passed in the yoga studio, from that day on, Maxine captivated my heart. I saw her silver hair as a lion’s mane. Watching her in the warrior pose, I understood how she lived as a warrior. Above all else, when I looked at her face, I no longer saw wrinkles. I saw warrior marks, and I have referred to them as such ever since. Every line on her face told a line of her story. Every crevice was a test endured and a testament to a battle she had faced down and won. Maxine was radiant and glorious. She taught me that warrior marks are stripes to be earned, lines to be won. She taught me that battle scars aren’t to be hidden away but to be displayed proudly. The world can see the realness of who she is and what she had endured through her warrior marks.

Journeying through life will necessarily entail blemishes, scars and wounds of every kind. However, these aren’t blemishes to be hidden away.

These aren’t imperfections to be covered up.

These aren’t things that are ugly.

They are beautiful. They are hard earned, courageously endured, battle won. These are badges of honor to be worn proudly, displayed properly, and celebrated completely.

So before you Botox out that beautiful badge,

Before you color that righteous stripe,

Before you cover up that line of resilience,

STOP!

Rethink what is really beautiful.

Reclaim what is true perfection.

Remind yourself and the world that those are not blemishes, wrinkles, scars or wounds –

THOSE ARE WARRIOR MARKS.

YOUR WARRIOR MARKS.

SO, DISPLAY, BE PROUD OF AND CELEBRATE YOUR WARRIOR MARKS!

Rabbi B