Top Five Defiant Spirit Topics Of 2021: The Year Of Relationships, Being All In & Saying Yes To Life
There are so many end-of-year reviews, lists, and best of this, that and the other so why not one more. Unlike Cardi B's top ten vulgar statements or Joe Biden’s top ten gaffes, this one actually matters. So let's look at the top five Defiant Spirit subjects that came up with my clients, the most reacted to of my vlogs, blogs, podcasts, or other interactions with my Soul Centered tribe over this past year. Of course, it’s not a data-driven recap, just what's come up in our conversations over and over again. So here we go, in no particular order, drum roll, please…
#1 I Need More In My Marriage
This has been the year for the spouse who wants to put the defibrillator paddles to the marriage and shock it back to life or finally record the date and time of death. Mediocrity may be good enough for the 207th season of the Bachelorette, but for many it just ain't good enough in a marriage, at least not anymore. My sense is that it’s a post-COVID-inspired awakening, like many other awakenings I've seen over the past couple of years. Perhaps it just takes a few years of lockdowns where you finally can't deny that the person you are locked up with feels more like a cellmate than a soulmate. Whatever the reason, I'm happy to report that most seem to be doubling down, leaning into their marriage, and ready to be 100% all in.
#2 No More 99% Living
That leads to another of the most popular themes and certainly one of my most popular vlogs, The 99% Rule. It's simple actually. You know intuitively whether you've called it this or not. It goes like this. You want to give 100% of yourself to your partner, but truthfully you are not sure they'll reciprocate. So, consciously or usually unconsciously, you only give 99%. They feel the missing 1% so they hold back in reaction. Then it's your turn and back and forth goes the war of attrition until once allies now become enemies and at some point, you dip into failing grade territory, mostly because you weren't all in. If you want your relationship to work you can’t sort of be in, be mostly in, be 99% in. You need to be all in and defy the 99% Rule by the 100% All In Rule. That way, whether you stay together or not, at least you will know that you didn’t hold back, didn’t react, that you were 100% all in.
#3 I Need More Than This
The people I tend to work with seem to have it all, at least to the outside world. Sure, they could always use more money, more professional success, more intimacy, more of this, that or the other. However, more often than not it's a want not a need, and yet just getting their needs met is not enough. We are not here to merely survive. It may be a starting point but it's not enough. They want to feel the vitality and passion of life in all aspects of their life. They want to discover a greater purpose and deeper meaning. They want to feel successful at the deepest level. What they really want is not to survive, but to thrive. At some point in their lives meaning, purpose and passion are no longer something they want, rather they are things they need. They say to me in a thousand different ways, “I need more than this!” I get the feeling that many of us are going to make this the year that we get our needs met (and for all you Enneagram Two’s I work with - it’s about time!).
#4 Girls (and Boys) Just Wanna Have Fun
Personally, Cyndi Lauper is my least favorite artist of the 80’s, but she was right on when she said that girls (and boys) just wanna have fun. They do. The problem is, they grow up and become adults. We adults ain’t always that much fun. However, over and over this year I have worked with people who may not have been having a lot of fun, happiness and joy in their lives - but they want it. Look, it’s been a rough road this year. People are tired of listening to the news, hearing the COVID conversations and wondering what will happen next in our economy, with China or whatever environmental or social disruption is next. What I have experienced in my own life is that fun and joy are not always something that just come on their own. Sometimes we have to make time for them on our calendar, room for them in our busy lives and open ourselves up to just having some fun. I think this is going to be a year where lots of people make this choice and discover their inner boy or girl and have some fun!I
#5 Say Yes To Life In Spite of Everything
After the Holocaust, Dr. Viktor Frankl gave a series of lectures (later compiled as a book) titled, "Yes To Life: In Spite of Everything." Keep in mind he said this after having his wife, parents, brother, unborn child, family, and friends murdered, beaten down in a concentration camp, and brought to the brink of death daily over the course of three years. Although no one I guide has known this particular darkness, nonetheless, suffering is suffering and when it's dark it's dark. Over and over and over this year I have seen countless individuals learn to “say yes to life” in spite of everything. For one it means to love again after a divorce. For another it means to keep on living after the death of a spouse. For someone else it is started a new job after having been laid off from another. The list goes on. The point is clear. No matter what we are going through, no matter how dark it may be, we have within us what Dr. Frankl calls “the defiant power of the human spirit.” We can always summon this spirit no matter what we are facing and from this place of power we can say yes to life in spite of everything.
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So those are the top five from a long and impressive list of struggles, crossroads and qualities of the hundreds of people I've interacted with in 2021. I know my role is to inspire and empower you, but truly you have inspired and empowered me with your defiant spirit. Keep going, keep growing, keep transforming darkness to light in 2022. Here's to another year of the defiant power of spirit. May this be a year for all of us to say yes to life in spite of everything!