When Porn & Stock Portfolios Aren’t Enough
I counsel people at midlife and beyond. Not kids. Rarely twenty-somethings. Once in a while a thirty-something. But almost exclusively, I work with those who are forty, fifty and forward – for a reason.
Because, they are the one’s who have a shot at being “awake.”
Sure, it’s possible to wake up at some point prior to midlife, however, it isn’t usual and for a whole host of reasons.
Midlife is a time when, for most, real life sets in.
Illness becomes a real possibility as we, or those around us, get diagnosed with a serious disease.
Mortality shifts from theory to reality as acquaintances, or friends, or loved ones, die – and when a parent(s) die, we realize that we have been moved to the front of the line.
And, last but not least (particularly, though not exclusively, for men), pornography comes with a price tag, and we begin to suspect that maybe our stock portfolio isn’t a reflection of who we are after all (whether it’s through the roof or through the floor).
Why porn and stock portfolios you ask? First of all, I’m an alliteration addict and they flow with Purpose which is the Point of this blog!
Second, porn and stock portfolios represent something very base, something primal, within the human psyche and desires, the stuff that consumes those prior to midlife (and yes, a bunch of Hugh Hefner types well beyond).
In Psychotherapy, Freud called it the Pleasure Principle – we are here to satisfy our desires. Adler named it the Power Principle – we are here to accumulate power.
Porn is about as base pleasure as it gets, and stock portfolios, at least in our society, can even gain you the Presidency (this is a political free zone, but President Trump didn’t win on his political savvy or good looks now did he).
The point of life, however, is not to live at a base level of desires, or to follow after our craving for power. It is to grow: grow stronger emotionally, spiritually and in wisdom.
Can someone on the first leg of the life adventure do it? Absolutely. But it’s really hard to break free from the Testosterone, the peer pressure and the inherited values that teach us to pleasure ourselves and accumulate.
These are the same inherited values that tell us that the second leg of life, from midlife onwards, is a miserable downhill slide.
Truthfully, it’s only downhill if it’s about pleasure and power – your friends start dying, your spouse leaves you with a bank full of cash (fine, half the cash) and your twenty year old self actually had hair (that one’s personal I admit) – ya, the back nine of life suck for sure!
However, if you can make the shift from the Pleasure and Power principles to the Purpose Principle (as my teach Dr. Viktor Frankl calls it), then you not only learn to survive the second act of life – but you begin to thrive!
The pursuit of purpose – meaning, making a difference, sharing your love and leaving a legacy -this is true pleasure, this is real power, and this, is the Point of our life!
May we all be blessed to live a Purpose-filled life!
Rabbi B